About
To the Reader,
Welcome! Your, or your able assistant’s1, cursory knowledge of the Internet has delivered you, draped in swaddling white blankets and stuck in a wicker basket with stork droppings inside, to our dusty doorstep. Let me tell you about this great service that you have fortuitously stumbled upon.
Here at TNC (that’s The News Conduit for the acronym-blind), we take the news from the traditional sources (word-of-mouth, carrier pigeons, and this new-fangled television thing), pummel it into submission then reprocess and release it to you.
This, as you can imagine, is quite a large task – but one that TNC is ready to face. Over the past twenty years, we have built up a large team of correspondents to face the monumental task of reigning in the poly-headed, blood-covered monstrosity that we like to call “The Media”. If the beast even twitches, we’ll know about it. Alas, we have lost more than a few TNC correspondents to this mindless machination, but our state-of-the-art brainwashing techniques allow us to enlist fresh journalists willing to be our cannon fodder.2
We have a page dedicated to these brave men, women, and other assorted organisms, namely, our Correspondents page.
As for who I am – I am the person hidden precariously by darkened studio lights, voice cleverly disguised with a warbling machine, pulling the strings from a safe haven. Anonymity is the price I must pay for keeping “The Media” at bay. One day that may change, but for now, I must control the flow of news from the shadows.3 I trust that you, dear reader, will understand this.
We at TNC believe that the news is an interactive process, and so I encourage you to make your mark on this fantastic service and spread the word to others.4
Sincerely yours,
Head Conduit-Controller
1 – If you did enlist the aid of someone else to get to this site, then we at TNC suggest that you pay the community college a few blocks away from you a visit, and enrol in one of the many fine courses they have there. We would recommend “The Internet 101”, but have also heard good reports about “Knitting for Inmates” and “Fungi Studies”.
2 – If you have a spare cannon lying around in your garden shed, please contact the TNC Resource Department.
3 – A slightly less severe veil of anonymity applies to all our correspondents, so we at TNC can continue to provide you with the exclusive stories that go beyond what The Media regurgitates from its eighteen stomachs. We can provide their names, but not their pictures.
4 – When we say mark, we are talking about things like comments, not urine. We at TNC went to great pains to mark out our territory, and do not like to see our work ruined.
